Let’s Talk About Monogamy

November 4, 2013

To Love, Honor & Cherish?

To Love, Honor & Cherish?

I was reading an article yesterday on Blogher written by Feminista Jones, an open, outspoken, intelligent woman writing about relevant sexual issues. I’ve enjoyed many of her blogs, find them interesting and thought- provoking.   Yesterday’s article, Are You 100% Sure Monogamy Is For You? was no different.

Feminista Jones was all about having important conversations with your significant other regarding his truest feelings on monogamy and making sure you understand them and feel the same way.  Assume nothing when you are entering into a new relationship.

Ask lots of questions beginning with how he feels about monogamy.

She spoke of monogamy as being about sexual behavior only, saying, “My emotional connection to a partner is separate” and “My heart is not in my vagina.”

I wanted to leave a comment until I got to the line “If you expect me to be monogamous, you need to f*#! me well enough to keep me focused on only you.”  I was stunned.  First, because my web developer told me not to use profanity. It turns off publishers if you’re trying to get a book deal (supposedly).  Secondly, I needed time to digest this.

I instantly felt like a dinosaur.  Is there something wrong with my thinking?  I believed myself to be an open person, but am a serial monogamist (one relationship at a time).   I wondered… if your sex life is lacking and then you introduce a third party, isn’t that just the beginning of the end of your relationship?  The last time I checked, men have  very delicate egos.  If your boyfriend thought you were having sex with another man, wouldn’t that be a little tough on his ego.  Or does the competition begin and he steps up his game? I think not!

She added, “Because my partner leaves me wanting for nothing sexually doesn’t have a damned thing to do with me proving loyalty or emotional fidelity.”  I agree with that statement.  But is that a real argument for being emotionally connected to one person while being sexually fulfilled by another.  It spells  t-r-o-u-b-l-e  to me.    (Even if you have agreed to have sexual partners outside of the relationship.)

I’ve spoken to a few men about ‘the open life’.  I could never buy into it.  One man asked me about what things I enjoyed doing and how I would describe a perfect week.  I kept it simple and said, “Oh, you know, maybe going out to dinner a few times, doing something athletic such as working out at the gym, playing a round of golf, maybe going to the movies or theatre, and just meeting an interesting person for a coffee to discuss current topics or what’s going on in the world.”  He said “I can do that.”  I was thinking “I wasn’t asking you, and don’t you already have a girlfriend?”

I really hope that the majority of women and men are still monogamous.  I pray that the ones that are not are at least honest and use protection.

Be smart…Be safe…Be upfront…Beware!!!!

And ask LOTS of questions.

What do YOU think?

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

g ciccolo November 6, 2013 at 3:07 am

great sex comes from trust love and connection…..the rest is just f…..g……..with no feeling ! take your choice…….


dacampa November 7, 2013 at 9:50 am

Thank you for your comment. What if you have trust, love and connection and no sex? Or very little? I think that was the issue. Do you seek it elsewhere and have the ability to maintain a healthy/happy relationship?


g ciccolo November 7, 2013 at 8:58 pm

no ! you’re playing with fire ! and you’re going to get burned…….because as you seek sex outside the relationship..you will run into someone that gives you both…then it’s inevitable the relationship will change…if you tell you your partner what you’re doing i don’t think they would be to happy ! if you don’t tell them and they find out there will be no trust and the relationship will crumble…sex is also about intimacy …sex is not just a mechanical thing…when you have just the mechanical part you start waking up in the morning feeling empty! at some point in life you must stop thinking with your head because your heart has no brain….this life is about choices ! you can’t talk your heart into or out of things …..when you’re seeking a soulmate it’s about love trust connection and sex they all go together….one is not more important then the other …the rest of the relation ship is just details..soulmates can always work out the details…..when you look at the profiles of all women on match …the first thing they want is a connection..then they get into the details….so seeking sex outside the relationship is doomed because you’re missing one of the main ingredients ……


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