November 2013

Let’s Talk About Monogamy

November 4, 2013

To Love, Honor & Cherish?

To Love, Honor & Cherish?

I was reading an article yesterday on Blogher written by Feminista Jones, an open, outspoken, intelligent woman writing about relevant sexual issues. I’ve enjoyed many of her blogs, find them interesting and thought- provoking.   Yesterday’s article, Are You 100% Sure Monogamy Is For You? was no different.

Feminista Jones was all about having important conversations with your significant other regarding his truest feelings on monogamy and making sure you understand them and feel the same way.  Assume nothing when you are entering into a new relationship.

Ask lots of questions beginning with how he feels about monogamy.

She spoke of monogamy as being about sexual behavior only, saying, “My emotional connection to a partner is separate” and “My heart is not in my vagina.”

I wanted to leave a comment until I got to the line “If you expect me to be monogamous, you need to f*#! me well enough to keep me focused on only you.”  I was stunned.  First, because my web developer told me not to use profanity. It turns off publishers if you’re trying to get a book deal (supposedly).  Secondly, I needed time to digest this.

I instantly felt like a dinosaur.  Is there something wrong with my thinking?  I believed myself to be an open person, but am a serial monogamist (one relationship at a time).   I wondered… if your sex life is lacking and then you introduce a third party, isn’t that just the beginning of the end of your relationship?  The last time I checked, men have  very delicate egos.  If your boyfriend thought you were having sex with another man, wouldn’t that be a little tough on his ego.  Or does the competition begin and he steps up his game? I think not!

She added, “Because my partner leaves me wanting for nothing sexually doesn’t have a damned thing to do with me proving loyalty or emotional fidelity.”  I agree with that statement.  But is that a real argument for being emotionally connected to one person while being sexually fulfilled by another.  It spells  t-r-o-u-b-l-e  to me.    (Even if you have agreed to have sexual partners outside of the relationship.)

I’ve spoken to a few men about ‘the open life’.  I could never buy into it.  One man asked me about what things I enjoyed doing and how I would describe a perfect week.  I kept it simple and said, “Oh, you know, maybe going out to dinner a few times, doing something athletic such as working out at the gym, playing a round of golf, maybe going to the movies or theatre, and just meeting an interesting person for a coffee to discuss current topics or what’s going on in the world.”  He said “I can do that.”  I was thinking “I wasn’t asking you, and don’t you already have a girlfriend?”

I really hope that the majority of women and men are still monogamous.  I pray that the ones that are not are at least honest and use protection.

Be smart…Be safe…Be upfront…Beware!!!!

And ask LOTS of questions.

What do YOU think?