In Between Dates
‘Friend Time’
The issues that bother women over 50 are the same issues that bother the under 50 women. You may be financially independent, have a great career, lots of interests and friends, keep fit and are attractive, but dating is still challenging.
Several women have asked me for dating advice when a relationship they were in or about to enter into was questionable. One was about a guy not making time to see her, maybe a few times each month and another was wondering when men usually call after the first date. Sometimes women think the subject of sex comes up too soon. (Although I’ve been told that women are often the guilty ones trying to establish boundaries on the first date.) What happened to a nice casual cup of coffee or drink?
The truth is we all know when it is not working for us. Clearly, in the first case, the woman was not satisfied with the lack of time spent together. And, in the second, it was about not receiving a call within a week after a first date. We are not happy with what is going on. And, if it feels strange talking about sex it probably is a little too soon to be having that conversation.
When we spend time with people we enjoy and think the feeling is mutual, it is confusing when there is no call. It really hurts. The negative thoughts start seeping in. We may overthink what happened, did we say or do something stupid, are we not attractive enough? STOP right there!!!
The reality is this person is not making you happy. That alone tells you it’s not working.
You deserve to live a happy life feeling good about yourself. As Deepak Chopra says, “You are enough just the way you are.” I once spoke to a European woman whose philosophy was “You make me happy or you go away.” I laughed when she said that, but then I thought that it might have saved me a lot of aggravation if I followed her philosophy.
With the right mindset dating is fun. Try to continue to be open to dating. Don’t let one or two bad dates make you give up. Your next date could be the one you’ve been searching for.
But, before your next date, make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a mate. How can you find the right person for you if you don’t really know what you are looking for.
Include everything that is important to you even things such as height if that matters. Make a list of deal-breakers also. You know all the things you can’t tolerate. When it’s written it becomes real.
Read your list everyday. When you’re focused everything becomes much clearer. You won’t be tempted to settle into a relationship to avoid being alone. You’ll be heading in the right direction toward the person who is meant for you.
Remember that there are a lot of great guys out there who want to connect with a special person too.
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