Just Flattery Or A Red Flag?

I  went to dinner with my friend Diane and we parted around 10 o’clock.  I walked her to her car.  While we were walking and talking a man walked by and I thought he said something like “hi, how are you?”   Diane was talking and I said, “Did he just say something to me?”  She didn’t hear it.   We said our goodbyes and I continued along on the main street for about 5 minutes.  I was just crossing the street in front of my building when the same man approached me from the left.

He said “So, what are you doing tonight?”  I said, “I’ve already done it.”  He repeated again “So, what are you doing tonight?”  I told him that I went to dinner and saw the fireworks, that’s it.  I stopped walking as I was in front of my building, though I didn’t want him to know that.  He was now facing me.  He was wearing jeans and a white tailored shirt, sneakers and was carrying a backpack.  Said he had just come from work.  I guessed that he was 30 years old.

He was studying me up and down, and said “you’re in really good shape.”  I was wearing a pair of white jeans and an orange top that I had bought at Marathon Sports and flats.  In other words, there was nothing revealing or suggestive on this end.  I said “thanks.”  Again he said “So what are you doing?”, “Want to go for a drink?”  I told him “No, thanks.”

I said, “How old are you?”  He told me he was 35 years old.   “Do you always stop 60 year old women on the street and ask them out?” was my next question.   He told me that I looked great and he thought I was in my late forties or 50, and that he liked older women.  I said, “I have a boyfriend and, anyway,“I don’t go out with men my son’s age.”

I asked him where he went to college. He said he didn’t.  I told him that he should start taking a class here or there as it’s very competitive out there. I was quickly changing the subject.

I told him I had to go, and he asked if he could walk me home.  You know my answer was nooooo.  I extended my hand for a handshake and he spread both arms wide for a big hug (a cheap feel!).  I smiled and shook my head “Oh, no!”  He laughed and I started walking to the left (away from my front door) and he headed down the street to the right.  I went around a corner, waited a few minutes and peeked out to see if he was gone.  He was.

As I thought about this encounter, and relayed it to a few people it became more evident that his behavior was scary.  There were red flags everywhere.  When you think of it, would any man that you know (brother, friend, co-worker) walk up to a woman at 10 o’clock at night and ask to walk her home or out for a drink?

There is a huge difference between being friendly and forward.  He clearly wanted to know where I lived, and then wanting a hug goodbye.  This man had no boundaries. And, of course, he had learned the value of flattery.  But, so have I.

I relayed this story to my daughter who was “horrified” that I even spoke to him.  She said she never would have responded.  Would have turned and walked away.  (I’m thankful she’s like that!).  But, I wonder if it’s because she grew up in a  don’t talk to strangers  world and I was taught to be friendly and polite to all people.

Another lesson.

What would you have done?