August 2013

I Know When You’re Lying

August 31, 2013

I took a class (for fun) at the Boston Center For Adult Education.  It was titled “The Art and Science of Reading People.”  It turns out that this was a very serious class.  The person who taught the course (William Morrissette) had worked for the CIA and was very familiar with interrogations and reading body language.

As a female dater, I thought that this information would come in handy at some point in my life.  And it did.  Actually, much sooner than I had expected.   As I observed the body language of the man I was talking to, I realized that people only feel like they are being interrogated when they are actually “guilty.”

In other words, a simple Q&A conversation, such as “What did you do yesterday?” might be followed by…”Oh, I had a million office, doctor’s appointment, shopping, out to lunch with Kathy…really busy day.” But, if you were doing something yesterday, that might be less than model behavior or a questionable activity….your response might be “Why do you ask?” or “Um, I can’t remember”..And, then pause to create a false scenario, while tapping your feet, crossing your arms, looking away (in other words relieving the nervous energy that lying causes).

I asked a “friend” of mine..”So, are you still dating that dental hygienist?”  His reply was “Why are you always interrogating me?”  I was thinking…what a weird response…what a guilty response. (“Deceptive people are deliberately evasive.”) They need time to invent an answer. Not wanting to answer yes, but couldn’t quite answer no.  I knew the answer.

Of course I was observing his body language, his arms folded across his chest immediately and he leaned away from me.  I was thinking (and smirking) classic guilty behavior.  Knowledge is so empowering.  He looked so uncomfortable.  But, that’s the price for being a liar.  Getting found out is lurking around every corner.  And then, one lie leads to another, and you forgot the first lie when you’re on lie number 10.

Keypoints I learned from this course:

“The act of lying causes healthy people to experience physiological and psychological discomfort.  93% of human communication is nonverbal or body language.  This would include movement of our hands and body, eyes, and facial expressions.”

Movements that dissipate nervous energy :

  1. crossing arms in front of chest
  2. crossing legs
  3. leaning back (creates distance)
  4. folding, wringing or clasping hands
  5. play with hair, ears, lip licking
  6. posture changes (slouching to upright, leaning forward to leaning back)
  7. looking down or away (avoiding eye contact)

On the side of science, the premise is there are two hemispheres of the brain one of which is dedicated to memory storage and the other to creative functioning.  If you are telling the truth the files are already stored.

Facing a right-handed person,when questioned…if the person:

  1. glances forward and to the left (is constructing a story…lying)
  2. glances forward and to the right (is recalling the actual story)

You reverse the above for a left-handed person.

I find this all fascinating..and helpful.  In real life, the body cues tell enough of a story.  We are not solving murders, (well, maybe the death of your relationship).   We are just trying to determine the simple truth.

Why would you want to spend time with anyone who lies?  It’s unhealthy, frustrating and exhausting.  There are plenty of honest people for you to share your wonderful life with.


“Just Friends?”…Are You Kidding Me?

August 26, 2013

Can Men And Women Be “Just Friends”? I’ve been struggling with this question my entire life.  I love my girlfriends and I love my guyfriends.  But, I’m finally realizing men and women approach friendship differently. I’ve had many male friends who I feel blessed to share my life with.  We talk, meet for lunch or […]

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When Is It Ok To Lie?

August 23, 2013

Never…Never… Well, Almost Never Why Do People Lie? People lie about their age, financial status, jobs, height, weight, marital status, etc.  They are pretending to  be something they are not…trying to impress.  They lie because they think they can’t get what they want by telling the truth.  What they don’t realize is that most people […]

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Oh I Believe In Yesterday

August 17, 2013

We come into contact with so many people in the course of our lives.  People touch our lives in different ways.  Some enrich our lives by opening our eyes to a new way of life. People come into our lives for a reason.  I believe it’s all about growth.  We need to learn certain lessons […]

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So… What’s The Attraction?

August 15, 2013

Here’s my take on what I find most attractive in a person.                    Excellent Personal Hygiene There’s something about a bright, white smile that is captivating. Add minty fresh breath and you’ve just made yourself instantly kissable. And, always smell like you just got out of the […]

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Love Thyself First

August 13, 2013

There is nothing that you have to do or achieve to be worthy of love.  Deepak Chopra   I have recently been exploring the power of meditation and how it can change your life by reprogramming the mind and all the negative stuff that accumulates over the years.   The stuff that prevents us from […]

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Mind Games: Keeping Your Brain Healthy

August 3, 2013

Did you know that your brainpower begins to decline as early as 25 years old?  It’s true. Unless you are constantly learning, creating new synapses (connections) in your brain or pathways, you will begin to slowly lose the ability to process information, memory related tasks such as where you placed your keys?  what day is […]

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