I took a class (for fun) at the Boston Center For Adult Education. It was titled “The Art and Science of Reading People.” It turns out that this was a very serious class. The person who taught the course (William Morrissette) had worked for the CIA and was very familiar with interrogations and reading body language.
As a female dater, I thought that this information would come in handy at some point in my life. And it did. Actually, much sooner than I had expected. As I observed the body language of the man I was talking to, I realized that people only feel like they are being interrogated when they are actually “guilty.”
In other words, a simple Q&A conversation, such as “What did you do yesterday?” might be followed by…”Oh, I had a million errands..post office, doctor’s appointment, shopping, out to lunch with Kathy…really busy day.” But, if you were doing something yesterday, that might be less than model behavior or a questionable activity….your response might be “Why do you ask?” or “Um, I can’t remember”..And, then pause to create a false scenario, while tapping your feet, crossing your arms, looking away (in other words relieving the nervous energy that lying causes).
I asked a “friend” of mine..”So, are you still dating that dental hygienist?” His reply was “Why are you always interrogating me?” I was thinking…what a weird response…what a guilty response. (“Deceptive people are deliberately evasive.”) They need time to invent an answer. Not wanting to answer yes, but couldn’t quite answer no. I knew the answer.
Of course I was observing his body language, his arms folded across his chest immediately and he leaned away from me. I was thinking (and smirking) classic guilty behavior. Knowledge is so empowering. He looked so uncomfortable. But, that’s the price for being a liar. Getting found out is lurking around every corner. And then, one lie leads to another, and you forgot the first lie when you’re on lie number 10.
Keypoints I learned from this course:
“The act of lying causes healthy people to experience physiological and psychological discomfort. 93% of human communication is nonverbal or body language. This would include movement of our hands and body, eyes, and facial expressions.”
Movements that dissipate nervous energy :
- crossing arms in front of chest
- crossing legs
- leaning back (creates distance)
- folding, wringing or clasping hands
- play with hair, ears, lip licking
- posture changes (slouching to upright, leaning forward to leaning back)
- looking down or away (avoiding eye contact)
On the side of science, the premise is there are two hemispheres of the brain one of which is dedicated to memory storage and the other to creative functioning. If you are telling the truth the files are already stored.
Facing a right-handed person,when questioned…if the person:
- glances forward and to the left (is constructing a story…lying)
- glances forward and to the right (is recalling the actual story)
You reverse the above for a left-handed person.
I find this all fascinating..and helpful. In real life, the body cues tell enough of a story. We are not solving murders, (well, maybe the death of your relationship). We are just trying to determine the simple truth.
Why would you want to spend time with anyone who lies? It’s unhealthy, frustrating and exhausting. There are plenty of honest people for you to share your wonderful life with.
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