The first time I heard that term in a real situation was when the ex-girlfriend of a male friend of mine phoned to tell me that she and my friend, although not technically in a relationship, were still “friends with benefits”… haha (yeah, she kind of chuckled uncomfortably). I was so happy to receive that bit of info (I wasn’t laughing)! Luckily, my friend and I were friends without benefits. I hadn’t received my benefits package yet.
The phone call alone should have clued me in immediately that friends with benefits (in this particular case) was only a title for “I’m not ready to let go of this relationship yet.” Clearly, she wanted me out of his life and could not be just FWB with him.
I thought I was very open to differences in relationships, but I still didn’t understand it. It would appear, from this experience, that once you have a committed relationship there is no going back to the FWB status.
Common misconceptions about “friends with benefits”:
- FWB is a friendship that involves sex without emotion.
- FWB is a safer relationship than with a random person (re condom usage).
- FWB is an exclusive arrangement.
In the “Urban Dictionary”, Friends With Benefits Definition by Aimee’s 2 Cents:
A healthy, fun sexual relationship between two people..until one falls for
the other, the friendship blows to pieces.. And, those two people find
themselves worse off than they were before.
Joan Price, author and blogger, wrote in her blog (Friends With Benefits Over 50: Another View) that she considered her FWB partners very good friends who shared “delightful conversations in and out of bed.” They just weren’t in love and did not expect commitment or exclusivity. And, the FWB relationship ends when one of the partners is interested in a committed relationship with someone else.
Summarizing… she states that in order to limit or prevent jealousies or misunderstandings, all parameters for the relationship must be established in advance. There has to be total honesty and open communication for this type of relationship to survive.
To be intimate with a person, don’t you need that chemistry or attraction to a person’s look, smell, touch, feel, taste? Is it possible not to engage any one of our senses? What about our hearts? I wish I had all the answers.
I personally have been using the FWB term interchangeably with people who have an exclusive relationship, focusing only on the present. I was wrong. That is NOT friends with benefits.
Whatever relationship people choose that works for them, I’m happy for them. Finding a person to share your life with is not something that happens easily or quickly.
As in all relationships, protect your heart, your health, find your happiness and always practice safe sex.
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