Learning How To Flirt…..Priceless!

Flirting 101

I took a two hour class on flirting.  I figured I needed help with my game as I was not in a committed relationship.  The course was titled “Flirting: The Psychology of Instant Sexual Attraction.”  Dr. Judith Swack was the teacher at the Boston Center For Adult Education.

We discussed what it means to flirt as opposed to seduce.  Flirting is not seduction.  It is creating an instant attraction for the purpose of connecting with another.  We even practiced walking.  I could not understand why until I observed the way some men walked across the room.  You need to walk with a certain confidence, but not be rigid.  You should look at ease as you enter a room.  Fake it if you don’t feel it. Don’t walk into a room as if you were a member of the Third Reich.  And, remember that confidence is a highly attractive trait.

Flirting is about creating an approachable style, including a slightly off-centered stance or tilt of the head when speaking or listening to someone.

We actually practiced leaning, tilting and walking.  The only thing missing was the dialogue.

I found it helpful just understanding that everyone is not totally comfortable when meeting new people or making introductions for the first time.  Do not hesitate to make the first move.

What to do in the first 30 seconds is important.  You should put a sincere compliment out there.  If the other party does not engage within 3-10 minutes (you’ll know it or feel it…asking questions about you, etc.) MOVE ON!  Great advice don’t you think?

We must realize a few things.  We come from different backgrounds and have different needs, wants and expectations.  If this person is not interested in the wonderfulness of you, do not waste one more precious moment of your time trying to appeal to him/her.

Just like in a deli line…..NEXT!!!

It is my belief that this course should be taught in Junior High School.

Immediately following the class, I went to my favorite lounge.  I was speaking with a male friend when I spotted a very handsome man standing at the bar, adjusting his glasses, cell phone in hand.  He was also wearing a suit.  I was telling my friend that there is something about a man in a suit that gets to me.

I took a deep breath and walked over to him and said, “I have a  question I’d like to ask you..how often do you wear a suit?”  “About once a month,” he replied.  I said, “Well, I think you should wear one every day because you look so great in a suit.”  He smiled and said, “You look pretty hot yourself!”  I laughed and we started a silly conversation about his tie, and continued on with the introductory conversation…names, where we live, etc.

We exchanged business cards and emailed a few times.   He didn’t end up being the love of my life, but it was great practice.  I was not really comfortable walking over to him.  If I had not taken the class, I wouldn’t have done it.  It took a little positive self-talk to get me to flirt with a total stranger.  But, I did it and you can too!

I also learned to make sure that my future comments were more subtle. I think a better line may have been something like “I noticed what a beautiful suit you are wearing, is it an Armani?”   I shared my story with a male friend and he thought it sounded like a come on. (a little seductive maybe?)  Looking back maybe he was right.  All I know is that you have to say what feels real to you.  It’s all about being true to yourself while at the same time not sending the wrong messages.