I met him at the Capitol Grille; tall, handsome, almost divorced and 14 years younger than me. I refer to him as an “aholic”, as I learned in the four months we dated that he was addicted to more than alcohol. He was also in a job transition…trying to start a new business. I was trying to be understanding about this stressful and time-consuming position. Although, something wasn’t correlating.
Perfect strangers would ask me “Why don’t you dump him?”as they watched him flirt with other women (under the guise of networking). I had every red flag waving in my face. At one bar he said “Why don’t you pretend you’re my mother?” I said, “I don’t think so.” That’s when I knew dating younger men was not a good idea. Although, I was confident enough to know that I looked as young as he did and was definitely healthier.
I helped him set up his house with the dishes, tablecloths, candles, comforter (like any good mother would have).
He was also trying to get me to keep pace with his drinking…that was impossible for me. Saying things like, “Drink up!” And even tried to get me to smoke some of his cigarettes which I declined. He said “You don’t need anything, do you?” I replied, “No, I really don’t.”
We alternated paying the bill when we went out. It would have been a lot cheaper if I had paid my own way every time.
Only one of my friends liked him, but she is a Pisces and very accepting of everyone. There are actually people who only see the good side of everyone. Most of my friends despised him as they watched him flirt with other women.
To be honest, he moved on from me. How lucky was I! He was my third date after being in a long marriage. I was looking for some companionship. I didn’t need anyone to buy me a drink or dinner (although it would have felt very nice). I believe that if I had not been such a strong woman he may have succeeded in getting me addicted along with him. If I had been a wiser woman I would not have ignored the flags.
When I look back, I can’t believe I even dated him. I’m really embarrassed to admit it.
I write this with the intention of helping others avoid similar mistakes. If anyone can relate to it in any way….please understand that you are not the weird one. You are not being jealous if you are feeling uncomfortable when your date is working the bar. And, if you think he is drinking too much, he probably is.
Oh, and on the smoking issue…I don’t smoke and never wanted to date a smoker. He said he only had an occasional cigarette. Near the end of our relationship I was picking them up at the store for him (only a few times!). But, they were the brand that helps wean you off cigarettes (low nicotine). If you believe that, you are as naive as I was.
I believe that all women reentering the dating world after several years need to hear about and discuss exactly what is actually happening in the dating scene. A discussion group to share experiences may be a good platform. This blog was my small way to share my personal experiences so that other women would be better prepared when dating.
If there is any interest in forming a dating discussion group, please leave a comment below. I am open to all suggestions. I wish there had been something available when I made my entrance.
{ 0 comments… add one now }