Jarad had been having coffee dates with several women on Match.com. He met them in local Starbucks and, on occasion, for a quick drink at a nice restaurant. But, Susan lived two states away and seemed interesting enough to meet halfway. They shared a common bond in their passion for cycling. She cycled 30-40 miles per day and he frequently cycled for three hours at a time.
They met in Hanover, New Hampshire (a college town) on a snowy Saturday afternoon. She said “Wow, I didn’t expect you to look like this,” “You’re much better looking than I thought you’d be.” “Most men don’t look anything like their picture.” “You look much younger.” And kept saying, “I love your parka.”
They were walking around the town and went into the bookstore where he found the book that he had been searching for. She was impressed that he actually read. This was a man who not only read, but could form complete sentences. They enjoyed browsing around the bookstore and sitting over coffee.
It was getting late and Jarad was hungry. There was a very nice French restaurant in town and they went there for dinner. She was impressed with so many things about him…the way he ordered in French, his clothes, his conversation. Although, much of their conversation revolved around cycling.
It was getting late (9 pm) and she said “I don’t drive in the dark.” Jarad was thinking “how are you planning to get home, because I’m not driving you.” She said, “I’m going to ask the Maitre D‘ to recommend a place to stay.” She came back to say they were in luck. There were vacancies at the Hampton Suites.
He was really shocked at how easily she became comfortable with a total stranger. Although she was perfectly safe with him, he thought this was not a safe practice for her.
She said, “Let’s get a bottle of wine for the room.” She whispered that she had to go to CVS to get some “Silk.” He didn’t know what that was. She said she had to get some women’s stuff for down there, you know (as she pointed downward).
Now, this was a man of a certain sophistication. He had dated women from around the globe including France and Italy. He was thinking she was one strange woman. He said “You need something?” She said, “ You know it gets kind of dry down there.”
He was thinking that it didn’t matter how dry it was down there because he wasn’t going anywhere near it. They went up to the room and he said. “You can take the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the sofa.” She said, “You’re so funny!”
They sat on the sofa and he poured the wine. She said “These pantyhose are killing me, do you mind if I take them off?” He said he didn’t care. He expected her to go to the bathroom. Instead, she stood up and took them off in front of him and put her jeans back on. He was immediately turned off. Jarad is a man who believes there should be a little mystery and foreplay involved. None of that was happening.
They talked and watched television. He fell asleep on the sofa at ten o’clock.
He woke up and took a shower. Said he had to get back. They went downstairs and had coffee and donuts and said their goodbyes.
Lesson She Should Have Learned
She had been in a bad marriage for 30 years and may have been thinking…this man is a very nice man, good-looking and quality person. She may not find another like him.
What she didn’t consider was…what you do on the first night determines how the other person feels about you. It sets the tone for any future interaction with this person.
You may be meeting the man of your dreams but he won’t be thinking of you as the woman of his dreams if you don’t present yourself in a dignified manner.
Sex on the first date may leave the other person wondering about the number of people you have casual sex with. Far more important…you are putting yourself at risk.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
great post and great tip for many people to take from this entry.
Great post Dee-so true. First impressions are everything, and not being able to read and see someone else’s responses is a sure sign things won’t progress!