Being raised Catholic I always believed that I was on this earth to help others and be accepting of differences in people. And I really did. I thought everyone was great and couldn’t wait to lend a helping hand. Never would I think that anyone would lie for personal gain. Now I know the answer to the question “Why do people lie?” It’s because they can’t get what they want by telling the truth.
I was told you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. So I’ll share with you a few of my frogs.
I met him at a health club…almost divorced, recovered alcoholic, scrambling to get his small business started, not ready for commitment, witty, very affectionate, but needed his Sat and Sun mornings for his yoga classes and cycling. Strangely, I had been alone so long it felt good just to be with a man going to the occasional theatre, or out for a casual dinner. He did some work at my house and I paid him (no discounts).
It became clearer as time went on that he was getting way more out of the relationship than I was. And he was seeing other women. I lent him some money (don’t do that!!!!). He told me only young girls are pretty (I was attractive). I told him I had read the book “He’s Really Not Into You” and I thought it fit. He told me to throw it away.
Three months after we parted I received this voicemail…..
“Dee….Ivan” “I was just talking to my friends about the summer and about how much it sucked being sick…And then, there was this revelation that (as you know I’m not really good about feelings, etc.) “And I told them that if it hadn’t been for a friend, that I wouldn’t have made it through those times.”
“And I said that I think I hadn’t adequately thanked her. And so I just wanted to be sure that you know how that I appreciated everything you did. You are a very unselfish, sharing and sometimes you’re a pain in the ass, but you really got me through that, and for that I am eternally grateful” “So have a good evening.”
My lesson learned ….
This was the most selfish man I have ever met. We were both transitioning out of divorce but I was moving forward and he was behaving like he was still in high school. Who calls someone three months later to say thank you? Guess what? That thank you meant nothing to me, and I was having a good evening until YOU called.
I am a caring person and used to fall for the underdog. I no longer date men with special needs (money, housing, furnishings, clothing, adoration). So, thank you very much Ivan. Because of you I know what men NOT to date.
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